The turmoil we encounter in the dark, the mind that races, the peace that evades…these things can’t be remedied with pithy optimism or cliche Christian response. We come to these places in a variety of ways: worry about the future, work stress, heartbreak, family strife, political instability; the things that keep us from sleep are as varied as the autumn leaves that scatter my yard.
Seventy Seven had been a different song when it entered production. Originally commissioned to be a rewrite of Ain’t No Grave, I played with melodies, cadence, new lyrics, new choruses, and built sound and texture around all of it as I went. Nothing I could do would save the rewrite tho and on one afternoon in the studio I began writing these lyrics, “arms outstretched, I’m reaching in the dark,” and I felt congruence with Psalm 77 which I’d read and prayed so many times over the years. I opened the psalm and continued to write and lines poured out both from the psalm and from my personal life. In fact, the vocals you hear on the final master were from when I wrote them, the very same performance. They carried the need, the desperation that I felt in the moment.
The line ”I drugged myself to sleep” felt a little too personal, but as my friends and I commiserated over failed endeavors, relationships, communal infighting, economical instability, I began hearing of the melatonin, breath practices, and prayer techniques that we’d all been experimenting with to try to get our five or six hours of sleep. The thing is, life continues even if we don’t sleep, and it’s not what it could be; longterm illnesses can take over the body, our minds can be lost, relationships fall into a cavern of time and forgetfulness.
The chorus was originally written for Ain’t No Grave and ends with “I may not be ok.” The song was to have had a bridge, a resolution, something like Psalm 77 where David says, “I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.” What a beautiful thing it is to remember the faithfulness of God in the midst of the worst season of life…it can be a curing tonic! And originally the instrumental track Hope Interlude was attached to the song and was to have lyrics that would lead to that place. As I kept working tho, I felt the two movements deserved their own identity, leaving Seventy Seven in an unresolved place, which felt more true to my personal experience in this last season. I do hope for something better tho…so the instrumental was named Hope Interlude and is a bastion of determination and pursuit through the wilderness.
I hope these two new tracks move you. Thank you for listening.